thirty years.

Last week,  I turned 30 years old.  I left an entire decade behind filled with some of my happiest moments and hardest tears.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. -Roman 8:28

During my twenties, I graduated college, lived on my own, moved a ton, said some really hard goodbyes, had my first bout with the darkness of depression resulting in a season with very little Jesus, made some really poor choices, moved back “home” to Bowling Green, started dating and married Gregg, flipped almost three houses (along with Gregg and the help of many), and most recently found out I’m going to be a mama…a mama to a little boy.

Those ten years were filled with so much change, many unknowns, joy, some darkness, aloneness, love, heartbreak BUT Jesus, being who He is, carried me through it all.

He led me to a place of safety, He rescued me, because He delighted in me. -2 Samuel 22:20

I’ve thought so much lately about those years, and I’ve thought about the hand of God, and how He carried me, how He reached down in those deep waters of depression and how He rescued me, how He delighted in me, how He quieted my anxious heart over and over again, how He extended his hand of grace and gave me Gregg, how He loved me, and how He loved all of me.

I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. -Isaiah 49:16

I know that many have trouble turning 30 (when they’ll forever feel 24), I’ve certainly had my moments lately especially when Gregg is looking at mini vans for me almost daily, while others it doesn’t phase a bit. I’ve been thirty for almost a week, and I have to say I’m just thankful to have life, abundant life, and to know that the same Jesus who carried me then, carries me now, and not just me, but now this little life inside of me.

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. -Psalm 139:16

So I say all of this to say if you’re struggling to find hope in your heartache, don’t try to fix it anymore. Give your life to Jesus, and not just parts of your life, give Him your brokenness, your what if’s, your worry, your fears, your dreams, and may the same Jesus who looked in the eyes of my darkness and told it to leave, be the one you put your hope in tonight.

Here’s to 30, and probably driving a mini van, and probably getting that mom haircut. Bring it.


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